Question 1

What is happening inside my child during a meltdown?

Accepted Answer

During a meltdown, your child's nervous system is in a state of high arousal — stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline flood the body, and the part of the brain responsible for reasoning and language goes offline. This is not a choice or a mood. It is a physiological response that the child has very little control over in that moment. The body is reacting as if it is facing a genuine threat.

Question 2

How is a meltdown different from a tantrum?

Accepted Answer

A tantrum is a behaviour aimed at getting something — it usually stops when the child gets what they want, and the child often watches to see if it is working. A meltdown is a neurological event — the child's nervous system has been overwhelmed. It does not stop when demands are met, and the child is not in control of it. Autistic children do not have tantrums — they have meltdowns. The distinction matters because the response is completely different.

Question 3

Why does my autistic child refuse to go to school?

Accepted Answer

School refusal in autistic children is almost always anxiety-driven, not defiance. School is a highly unpredictable environment — noise, transitions, social demands, sensory input, and the constant effort of masking all create enormous stress. The nervous system begins anticipating this threat even the night before. What looks like refusal is the body saying: I cannot handle what is coming. Building predictability — visual schedules, consistent routines, and advance warning of changes — is the most effective response.

Question 4

What should I do when my autistic child hits or bites?

Accepted Answer

Hitting and biting are communication — the child is telling you that they are overwhelmed beyond their capacity to express it in words. In the moment: stay calm, lower your voice, create space. Do not restrain unless there is immediate danger. Do not reason or explain — the thinking brain is offline. After the child is calm, look for what triggered it: sensory overload, a transition, hunger, fatigue, or an unmet need. The goal is to understand the message, not punish the messenger.

Question 5

Why does my autistic child cover their ears or avoid touch?

Accepted Answer

Autistic children often experience sensory input — sound, touch, light, smell — at a much higher intensity than neurotypical people. What feels like background noise to most people can feel physically painful to an autistic child. Covering ears, avoiding touch, or fleeing certain environments is not misbehaviour — it is a completely reasonable response to sensory overwhelm. Creating sensory-safe spaces, using noise-cancelling headphones, and giving advance warning before touch can make a significant difference.

Question 6

Why does my autistic child repeat the same words or actions?

Accepted Answer

Repetitive behaviour — called stimming — serves a regulatory function for autistic children. It helps them manage sensory input, process emotions, and self-regulate. Rocking, hand-flapping, repeating words or phrases, lining up objects — these are not problems to be eliminated. They are the child's way of staying regulated in a world that can feel overwhelming. Stimming increases when a child is anxious, excited, or overstimulated. The right response is to understand what the child is communicating — not to stop the behaviour.

Question 7

How do I help my autistic child during sensory overload?

Accepted Answer

First: reduce input. Lower your voice, dim lights if possible, move away from the source of overwhelm. Do not add more stimulation — no talking, no touching unless the child initiates. Your calm presence is the most regulating thing you can offer. After the child has settled: offer a sensory-safe space, a familiar object, or a calming activity. Over time, build a sensory profile for your child — what triggers overload, what helps them regulate — and use it to prevent overwhelm before it happens.

Question 8

Why does my autistic child shut down and not respond?

Accepted Answer

Shutdown is the nervous system's response to extreme overwhelm — instead of fighting or fleeing, the child freezes. They may go very quiet, stop making eye contact, stop speaking, or seem to disconnect completely. This is not defiance or manipulation. It is the body protecting itself. In a shutdown, the child is not able to communicate or respond even if they want to. The response is the same as for a meltdown: reduce demands, create safety, wait. Do not push for eye contact or verbal responses. Recovery takes time.

Question 9

Why does my autistic child remember things in such extraordinary detail?

Accepted Answer

Many autistic children have exceptional rote memory — a brain that processes and stores information with greater fidelity. This is a genuine cognitive strength.

Question 10

Why does my autistic child focus so deeply on one thing?

Accepted Answer

Deep, sustained focus on a special interest reflects a brain going deep instead of wide. It is not obsession — it is passion and a genuine strength.

Question 11

Why is my autistic child so honest — sometimes uncomfortably so?

Accepted Answer

Many autistic children have a deep commitment to truth. What they tell you is real. In a world full of performance, your child's honesty is rare and precious.

Question 12

Why does my autistic child notice things no one else does?

Accepted Answer

Autistic children often perceive the world with extraordinary precision — noticing patterns, details, and beauty that others miss. This is perception as a gift.

Describe the moment. We'll help you understand and respond.

What is Decode My Child?

Why parents trust it

Moments parents decode

Questions parents ask

You know your child better than anyone.